Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
