she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
