Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
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