I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just had sex on a roof
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
