I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
