he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
