This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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