Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
