so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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