No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
