About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
