Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
