She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
These tits shall not be calmed
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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