Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
