she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
