I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize