I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
