I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
