Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
