6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
