Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
