So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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