I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There r osticjed everywhere
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
