I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
His hands were made for my vagina.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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