I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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