last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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