WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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