I'm drive I can fine osifer
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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