Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
