If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
