I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
