kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
