I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
