where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
