so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
