Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
