I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
