wrigley field is MILF paradise
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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