sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
