I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Found your dick twin last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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