You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
