they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
