im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
