Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
