Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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