I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
