Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize