apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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