You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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