I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
