Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize