I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize