Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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