she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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