thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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