Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
