Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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