I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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