You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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