I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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