There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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