just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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