if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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