She is in my trunk
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
