Please, let me fuck your mom
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
