Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
