i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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