I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
