I need help removing her.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
