Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize